Apologies for the long delay between posts - but this interim period has been emotionally testing in a number of areas…

Sunday - and I find myself contemplating the start of what for me is the second leg of Bob's 1000-day journey. In a week's time I will be dropping him off for a roughly two month retreat (with a break for Gasshuku) from 10th June to 14th August.

Certainly a time of mixed feelings - sad to see him go, after what feels like such a brief  period back together, but excited for both of us - as it will, I am sure, be the stimulus for further growth and development.

Looking back: Although at the start of the pilgrimage I never felt more in control and more competent to run the dojo and related activities, balanced with growing my writing career… the truth turned out to be a little different. The God's must have looked down on this conceited imp and sent forth challenges of a nature I had not had to deal with before…

With the responsibility of maintaining (or at least trying to) the gardens in what felt like a never ending and eternal summer, in addition to doing my job and Bob's… I slowly got the feeling of being overwhelmed by the responsibilities I was trying to face.

There were added training emotional issues that had to be dealt with - one of which resulted in me formally resigning from the Katori Shinto Ryu dojo in Narita, Japan - on principle, because I refused to be treated with a lack of personal respect… and I have distaste for politics…

And by the time Bob came home (early - thankfully) in time for my birthday - I was pretty strung out and stressed up. They say that you are never tested at a level above which you can handle. I'm not sure - that one was close!

It took about five weeks for me to find my emotional equilibrium and balance… and it was only after reaching that point that I suddenly became aware that I was ready to take the focus off me and my needs and to be able to love Bob fully again - in the sense of wanting what is good for his growth, not what I needed out of the relationship.

At least the timing coincided with a week or so before his departure - and I feel ready to take up the reigns of single-handedly running things, with enthusiasm again.

This next journey will bring it's own set of challenges. Bob will be based in KwaZulu-Natal - a few hours drive away… so in that sense it will be both easier and harder because he is closer, yet still out of reach.

Bob says that his pilgrimage so far has been one of starts and ends. Beginnings and closures. The period at home has I think been cathartic (not necessarily plain sailing, but beneficial in the longer term) with a lot of clearing and completion of outstanding issues.
Let's just say that for the first time since I met Bob, his tax is up to date.

The next period ahead, should be challenging in a way that few of us will understand. I have always 'joked' with Bob telling him that he is a work-a-holic. We can't even go away for a weekend without packing a crate box full of work (and it does get touched)…
So part of this period will be to focus on trying to do nothing. Constant activity can be a means to escape looking at deeper issues… but in the same breath… when I asked what he was packing… well, he's taking his computer, wants to work on the syllabus content…

Perhaps it is not time for the 'do nothing' lesson, just yet!

I'm beginning to see this period of the 1000-days as the preparation period one would normally go through before embarking on a journey. The clearing out of past issues, the giving attention to things that need to be in place before one can leave, and training or test runs to experience and taste what part of the journey will be like in preparation.

The scary part of that analogy is that if this was a Shikoku pilgrimage, he would not have left yet (and it certainly doesn't feel like that from my point of view!).

I must admit that I feel a little nervous. My strength and staying power was tested to the point of almost breaking - something that annoys me, because I had given a commitment of support, and then felt lacking in courage and fortitude to be able to see it through.

But feeling in a positive frame right now - ready to tackle whatever comes up, with a view to doing my best, and as ever, being the eternal student and learning and (hopefully) evolving.